thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
