Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
