I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live