your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.