I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
