my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
