I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
