If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
