I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
