I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
