watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
