Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out