how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.