there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
