my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
