I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The feeling are messing with the penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
