And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
