dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
