Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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