it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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