walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
