I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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