My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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