the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
