so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
