what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
