the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
