We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
