just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
