That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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