Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize