Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
