tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
