I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
