i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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