Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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