shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts