If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"