This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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