if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.