someone owes me an orgasm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
