Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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