it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
