she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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