Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
