I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your cock deserves a montage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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