i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
