Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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