I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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