I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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