think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
