I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
