Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
