you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
