i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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