Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
