my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
