I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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