hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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