I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I love you. Go after that dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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