I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize