he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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