I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
