You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
