He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thus making me awesome and them whores
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
