the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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