One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
