I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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